SC SHARE

I decided to write this BLOG because I just sat down at my computer and started typing and decided to try BLOGGING. I decided to base my BLOG on myself.  I am doing things people never thought I would do!  Heck, I never thought I could do it either.  But, I am so thankful to SC SHARE for giving me a chance to do what I was capable of doing all along.  I have always welcomed and embraced new things in my life.  I am always looking for something new.  I have accomplished a lot over these past 6 years out of the hospital.  Just staying out is an accomplishment in and of itself!

So when I started coming here to SC SHARE in 2005 I really enjoyed the way the classes where designed and I learned so much about recovery.  I would tell anybody that has been in the hospital for a long time to hook up with SC SHARE you will be amazed at how you will feel once you leave a workshop.  Just one workshop can make the difference in someone’s life! I never thought I could do anything worthwhile until I got hooked up with SC SHARE and now I am volunteering for them.  SC SHARE is constantly pulling out of me what I had in me all along.

 So, I would advise anyone coming fresh out of the hospital to come here if they get a chance and seek their Higher Power for strength and get a good support system.  Because if I can make it and I have been through the hard time you can too!  When you think you are all alone you are not!  SC SHARE is one phone call away and can help you so much!

- Marilla

All of my life, I have been taught the importance of giving to others.  We all have something to give.  If we don’t have a lot of money, we can donate our time.  I think it is very important to volunteer if we are not doing paid employment.  Not only does it help the place where we give our time, it benefits us as well.  Nothing makes us feel better (I think) than feeling like we are contributing to society.

So, on the news this morning, I heard a wonderful story about a family who decided to give to others and “put their money where their mouth was.”  This family sold their 6,500 square foot house for $1.8 million dollars.  They donated $800,000 to charity!  From what I understand, they downsized and moved into a smaller house.  What kind of message does that send their children, their neighbors, those of us who have heard the story?  For me, it reminds me of the importance of having an open and giving heart.

So, today, think about what you can give to your community.  Most of us are feeling a financial crunch, but we can donate our time.  Find something that you enjoy – something that interests you.  Maybe you like animals – you could volunteer at a shelter.  Maybe you enjoy working in the yard.  You could go to a church and offer to help with their landscaping.  If we get creative, we can come up with many ideas about how we can contribute to society.

Janie 

I tried to take good care of myself this weekend.  I got plenty of rest.  I tried doing things that make me feel like my “normal” self.  I tried to stay in my routine and I think I ended up having a pretty relaxing weekend.

But I am still noticing that I am exhibiting some paranoia.  When I start feeling like “people are mad at me,” then I have to check in with my friends and family.  I have to allow myself to be open to their opinions.  Everything I have heard from the people in my life is that I am being a bit irrational.

So, what can I do about it???  First things first.  I am journaling my thoughts.  That is a key way to get a handle on what is going on inside of us.  Second of all, I am reaching out to the people around me.  Isolating myself makes things worse.

What am I learning throughout all of this?  I do have a say in how I am doing.  I need to recognize my triggers, and be aware when I am showing early signs of not doing well.  If we do not pay attention to how we are doing, then it is like being on a wild roller coaster.  How many times do we think that going from being “fine” to being “totally off the wall” is a process that cannot be stopped or even noticed?

If we want to stay well, we must be aware of what is going on with us and around us.  We can stop that downward spiral by stopping the process before it gets out of hand.  That is what I am doing.  I am taking time to take care of myself, and I am getting feedback from people I trust.

Whew!  Letting all of this out makes me feel so much better! 

- Janie

We talk about Early Warning Signs in WRAP (wellness recovery action plan).   I started looking at the list of signs night.  I knew I had been feeling bad all day, but I hadn’t really thought about what was going on with me.  Anxiety, nervousness, being obsessed with something that doesn’t matter, beginning to have irrational thought patterns – I noticed these things in myself.  So, the next step is to figure out what could have gotten me here, and what do I do about it???

So, I started thinking about my week.  My whole schedule has been thrown off.  My routine has been disrupted for over a week.  I have not been going to bed early enough, and I have been sleeping later in the mornings (which means I miss out on that morning time with Tom).  My work schedule has been different this week, and many of my projects have come to a conclusion.  So, of course I was not feeling “like myself.”

I have found that when I am stressed, the best thing I can do is look at what is stressing me.  Usually, if I make a list, I can see it all written out.  By seeing it all on paper, I can allow myself to say “it’s okay I am stressed.”  I validate my feelings, and that makes me feel normal again.  So, if you look at the WRAP plan – you see that in the early warning signs section, there are lots of things you can do.  First of all, get back on your schedule – keep doing the things that you do when you are feeling well, and of course talk to someone about how you are feeling. So, today I am feeling better.  Now I understand what has been going on with me, and I know what I need to do to keep myself balanced.  This weekend, I will try to do my normal “stuff.”  I think that will make a world of difference.

Stress!  So much stress, It is the big things and the little things that send my blood pressure soaring.  Money!  Isn’t that the biggest stressor that we all face?  I know I do.  Tom took a state job, so he will not be paid for a month.  Ouch!  But we will get through it. 

I changed my hair color.  When I came into work, I was a little stressed about the reaction I would get.  Well, there was no reaction.  So, of course I figured that since no one said anything, then they must hate my hair – hate – what a strong word.  How egocentric of me to think that my hair could stir that kind of emotion in anyone.  

So, I guess I am still kind of caught up in my own “stuff”.  Bonnie suggested I go to a homeless shelter – that sure would give me a reality check.  Of course, I probably won’t go – for many reasons.  The biggest reason is I don’t want to feel – feel the heartache that would go along with seeing people with no homes.  There I go again!  I am making it all about me – how “I” would feel.  What about others? 

Stress is an everyday part of life.  I wonder how much of my stress would dissipate if I were not so caught up in myself – the way “I” feel, the way “I” look at everything.  So much to think about – of course, again, I am lost in myself – thinking about me, me, me.  I wonder if anyone else does that? 

Stress – I am so glad we have a workshop coming up on stress.  It will be June 25^th.  Of course, I have been worried about “my part” of the workshop.  Instead I think I will focus on the people who will be attending.  What are their needs?  What do they need to better handle stress? 

Lots to think about.  Yep.  Lots. 

Janie

My husband is one of the most brilliant people I have ever known.  He can expound on many different subjects.  So, I was not surprised this past Saturday when he starting talking to Sissy and me about the Universe and how it is laid out, how it functions, and how vast it is.  So, that got me to thinking.

The Universe is larger than I can fathom.  My mind cannot wrap itself around the scope of it.  I cannot really understand how it expands – which we know through some kind of “Doppler effect” (don’t worry – I don’t really understand that either!)

Then it hit me.  Humans are such a tiny, tiny, tiny microdot in the Universe.  Yet, I have often times been egotistical enough to think of myself as if the Universe revolved around ME.  I was talking to Bonnie this morning about letting go of “ego.”  So, it is impossible to think that we, as humans, are the ultimate power in the Universe.  There must be some Higher Power.  How could all of the stars, galaxies, and planets be the result of nothing less than a grand design? 

So, in my mind, all of this proves that there must be a power greater than myself.  There is a Higher Power.  I can’t imagine someone believing that there is nothing greater than humanity.  There is nothing greater than us???  No way. We fear talking about a Higher Power because we confuse Spirituality with Religion.  How can we not believe that there is something greater than ourselves?  Why do we fear talking about Spirituality in the mental health world?  Why do we feel like we need to keep it on the back burner?  Good question. Janie

Wow.  My mind is absolutely blown.  I mean really – I am astounded by what I read in the news this morning.  The other day, I was talking in a blog about how conceited it would seem for us (as humans) to believe we are the greatest – highest power in the Universe.

So, today I opened Yahoo news and saw a story about a tribe that has NEVER been contacted by the outside world.  Wow.  There are pictures of them (from a plane flying overhead).  Their bodies are painted red, and they are shooting arrows at the object taking pictures of them.

So that got me to thinking.  I tried putting myself in the shoes of these tribes people.  Do they have any idea that there are other people outside of their small group?  Do they think they are the only ones in the world?  Do they have any concept that there is so much more out there that they have ever experienced?  Or do they live day to day – just trying to survive in their own small world?

I guess it is the same with us.  We  really can’t see past ourselves as humans to see that there is so much more out there than just us.  I go back to having to believe there is a Higher Power.  How ironic that these privative people probably do believe in a Higher Power.  Yet, we, as a more advanced civilization, see ourselves above all of that.  Well, at least I did.  I used to think of someone believing in a Higher Power as being akin to believing in Santa Claus, but no more.

So, now I am truly fascinated about this remote tribe.  Studying them would truly be like traveling back in time.  I don’t mean to Medieval Europe – more like the Stone age.  Wow.  At one time I had thought of being a cultural anthropologist, but then I learned about the details of such a career – like having to get dirty and live in huts – not for me!

So that got me to thinking more.  What if I had been born into this privative tribe?  What if I was had been born one of the people in this small remote village?  I cannot even begin to think of how different my life would have been.

Hmm.  Maybe there is some grand design behind all of this.  I like to think so…

Janie

 1.  Life should have a choice beyond mere survival. 

2.  You have the right to say no to anything when you feelyou are not ready or it’s unsafe. 

3.  Life should not be motivated by fear. 

4.  You have the right to all of your feelings. 

5.  You probably are not guilty. 

6.  You have a right to make mistakes. 

7.  There is no need to smile when you cry. 

8.  You have the right to terminate any conversation with people who make you feel put down or humiliated. 

9.  You can be healthier than those around you. 

10.  It’s OK to be relaxed, playful and frivolous. 

11.  You have the right to change and grow. 

12.  Its important to set limits and to be selfish. 

13.  You can be angry at someone you love. 

14.  You can take care of yourself, no matter whatcircumstances you are in.   

- - Cheryl

This week has gone by very quickly. Maybe that is because I have been down this week and have not been fully “engaged” in my world. I knew Monday would be tough – it was the first day I came to work and my husband wasn’t there with me the whole day. I know it may sound strange, but I truly enjoy working with Tom – never get tired of being around him! Up until last week, Tom was doing computer work at SHARE. You can read his blog about getting in donated computers and sending them out into the field. Now Tom has a new job that I think is going to be a great fit for him.

So, when I came in Monday, I felt a little lost. Sissy wasn’t there that day. Michelle wasn’t in, and Bonnie was gone all this week. I was really thrown for a loop, so I did what I knew would make me feel better – I sat down at my computer and worked on something that would make me feel productive.

So, here it is Thursday again. Seems like I always turn pensive on Thursdays. I think it because I do a recovery group every Thursday evening. Tonight, I started a series of WRAP – Wellness Recovery Action Plan. I am happy with the “workbook like handout” I made to help me teach the class and to use when we actually fill out our wellness plans. I read the book by Mary Ellen Copeland and boiled all the information down into one simple document. This handout is going to be a real help for me teaching the class and guiding all of us (including me) in developing our wellness recovery action plans.

So, what have I learned from reading about WRAP this week and working on getting everything together for my class? I have become much more aware that I have “triggers” and I need to be cognizant of my “early warning signs.” I realized today that I have been down most of the week (I know - took me long enough to recognize it). When I talked to Michelle today, she asked me how I was doing – I mean really doing. I actually thought about that question, and I realized that I was down.

After meeting Tom for lunch today, I was going to go home and veg, sleep – maybe read a book. Then I gave myself a little talk. I knew my inclination was to hide and isolate myself, but that is the worst thing I could do for myself. So, I had to decide whether to point my car home or towards the office. I found myself at the office. I got lost in my work, felt really productive, and ended up feeling much better.

One thing I have realized is that I need to truly be aware of how I am doing. I need to talk to the supportive people around me about how I am really feeling. It is very easy for me to hide behind a mask, but that does me no favors. One of the hardest lessons I am having to learn is to let people see the real me – the me who is not always happy – the me who feels insecure and frightened – the me who is not always sure of herself.

It is amazing how dropping the mask can help me heal. By acknowledging to Michelle and myself that I was fighting being down, I was able to figure out what I needed to do to get myself back on track. So, I guess the lesson is honesty. Hmm. I have always thought I was a very honest person, but I am not that honest about my true feelings.

So, how do I feel? I am still a little down because Tom is off working somewhere else, but I know I will work my way through it. I have a good support system. I know the importance of keeping a daily routine and not giving in to the urge to pull the covers over my head.

So, in the end, I find that gratitude is the best way I can tap into my spirituality. I am grateful that Tom has this new job. I am grateful that Tom and I had so much time together when he worked at SHARE. I am very grateful for the wonderful people around me who care and listen with their ears and their hearts. I am grateful for a job that gives me a sense of purpose and gives me an outlet for my creative self. I am especially grateful for this venue where I can express my true feelings. I am grateful that there is an entity greater than myself. Of that, I am sure.

Thank you for listening.

- Janie

I received the most wonderful t-shirt graphic from my friend, Donna, who is the client affairs coordinator in Berkeley. She always gets very excited about May being mental health month and makes sure that her center has lots of activities and outreach into the community. This year, Donna sent me an amazing piece of artwork created by Dr. Ray Hodges.

The design has been printed on a t-shirt and eighty shirts have already been sold! I think I need to get one!!! I am attaching a copy of the artwork that Dr. Hodges created. I love this design. It talks about Recovery being team effort. I think it is great - Enjoy!

Hey if you want one of Donna’s t-shirts let me know!

-Janie