SC SHARE

Mind reading. You expect others to know how you feel and what you want without taking responsibility for expressing yourself directly.

Fear. Your fear of rejection and disapproval is so great that you abandon yourself and swallow your feelings.

Conflict avoidant. You avoid conflict or uncomfortable feelings at all costs.

Passive-aggressive. Instead of sharing your feelings openly and honestly, you use covert tactics to communicate your displeasure.

Hopelessness. You believe the situation will never change so why try? This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Martyrdom. You don’t want to admit your feelings because you don’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they’ve upset you. You suffer silently with great pride.

Low self-esteem. You believe that you don’t have a right to express your feelings or to ask others for what you want. At the expense of self, you focus on pleasing others instead.

Feeling defective. You believe that you shouldn’t have irrational feelings like anger, jealousy, anxiety, depression, as that would indicate that you are flawed or “un-together.”

Volcano. You believe once you start expressing your feelings the hot lava will begin to flow and no one will be able to stop it! All will be destroyed.

Miranda Warning. You don’t want to express your feelings because you are afraid they will be used against you.

GEORGE RIZER/GLOBE STAFFJon Delman and his wife, Deborah, after learning that he won a prestigious award for people who ”conquer huge obstacles” and take action on healthcare issues. He is the founder of an agency that helps people with mental illness. (GEORGE RIZER/GLOBE STAFF)

Muddied and panting, Jonathan Delman pelted through the forest “like a banshee, like there was no tomorrow.”

Behind him was McLean Hospital in Belmont, where the staff wanted to hold him against his will. Another stay in a mental hospital, he felt, would unravel the life he had begun to put back together. He zigzagged between brush and trees to leave no clear tracks.

This was the climax in a series of psychiatric implosions that had landed Delman in hospitals, driven away girlfriends, stymied his attempts to find work as a lawyer, and left him feeling lost and often suicidal. What kept him alive, he believes, was what powered that escape: “Grit and determination against all odds.”

That wild woodland run happened just about a decade ago. Last week, Delman received one of the nation’s most prestigious awards for community health work: a $125,000 leadership prize from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. The award honors people who “conquer huge obstacles and take commanding action in local communities” on healthcare issues.

Delman, who is 49 and lives in Stoneham, founded and runs Consumer Quality Initiatives, a groundbreaking Boston agency staffed mainly by people with mental illness. They survey other people who receive mental health services from the state and analyze the data for ways to make improvements. The group, for example, identified problems encountered by young people who “age out” of the state’s mental health system for children, work that contributed to significant changes, including a $3 million program to help with the transition to the adult system.

Given the stigma that mental illness still carries, and the traditional dominance of academics in research, Delman has had to fight long and hard for his group to gain legitimacy, said Marylou Sudders, the former state commissioner of mental health, who has known Delman since the mid-’90s.

“If he ever has any doubt about himself, which he shouldn’t have, getting a Robert Wood Johnson award is like the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval,” she said.

Delman’s bipolar disorder has not disappeared. He still takes six psychiatric medications a day, three for sleep. But he has been able to build his recovery on two of the central pillars of many lives: work and love.

“It’s hard to recover from where I was - on Social Security disability, with serious mental illness, hospitalized numerous times, down in the dumps and facing so many barriers,” he said. “I was able to overcome those barriers because of advantages in my life - family and education - and my own intense desire to overcome them, and finally, my loving relationship with my wife, and a job.”

All around him, Delman said in an interview, he sees people in positions similar to his a decade ago caught in the Catch 22 that because they have a mental illness, they cannot get the work and support that would help them overcome it. “I see a lot of unrealized potential and it makes me very sad,” he said.

Despite Delman’s bipolar disorder, he graduated from Tufts University summa cum laude and from law school at the University of Pennsylvania. But after his crises and hospitalizations began in his thirties, he found it impossible to get work as a lawyer, even when he was functioning well. He “came out” as a person with mental illness in the mid-1990s, as he sought to fight discrimination and educate others about their employment rights.

Around that time, he met his future wife, Deborah, who is also a leading Massachusetts advocate for people with mental illness. She had mixed feelings about him, Deborah Delman said; he had not been working, and as a single mother, she could not support both him and her son, Pete. As Jonathan Delman tells it, his temper also put her off.

But he was great with Pete, and they worked shoulder to shoulder toward their common causes for many months. One day, at a table at a Bickford’s restaurant in Waltham, he was confessing his love for her - not for the first time - and she reached across the table, tears welling up in her eyes, and took his hand.

To her own shock, she said, “I love you.”

“It was the greatest moment in my life,” Jonathan Delman said.

Since his McLean escape soon before they married, “I have not been back to a hospital,” Delman said. “And I will never go back to a hospital.”

But what he learned as a psychiatric patient now informs Delman’s work in helping others.

For example, he said, he experienced first-hand how arbitrary rules or petty cruelties by hospital staff can demoralize and alienate patients. Patients can feel that if they complain, they risk retribution, and nothing will change anyway.

So when his agency began to survey psychiatric patients in hospitals, it asked about staff-and-patient interactions. It also asked about other issues that can deeply affect patients: Were they treated with respect and dignity? Did they have needed privacy? Did they have access to a telephone?

Or consider psychiatric medications. The antidepressant Zoloft helped Delman, but when he was hospitalized in the mid-1990s, he was abruptly taken off it without being consulted, and put on another medication that made him physically ill. He felt like a zombie for months, until he finally asked to be put back on his previous medications and greatly improved.

These days, Consumer Quality Initiatives is working on a project to give consumers decision-making tools to help them have more input into their prescriptions, including guidance on which websites have the best medical information. Some of his prize money will go toward that project, Delman said.

“A lot of the work Jon has done has changed thousands of people’s lives in Massachusetts, but they don’t know Jon was part of it,” said Alisa K. Lincoln, an associate professor of health sciences and sociology at Northeastern University, who has worked with Delman for years and nominated him for the prize.

Delman began by focusing on giving consumers more voice in the treatments they received, but he is focusing increasingly on dragging academic research out of the Ivory Tower and orienting it more toward changing the real world.

Delman is also working at Boston University’s School of Public Health toward a health services research doctorate, which he is on track to receive in 2010. That leaves little free time, but he has no complaints - quite the opposite: “I love responsibility,” he said. “It was when I didn’t have it that I felt depressed.”

Carey Goldberg can be reached at goldberg@globe.com.

During high-stress times we all seek relief. But some people are unable to find an outlet for their pain, and they resort to the drastic act of suicide. Dr. Phil hosts an honest and open discussion about this serious topic in the hopes of saving lives. His first guest is Eric Steel, director of the controversial film The Bridge. The documentary showcases people taking their lives by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, CA. Is this a snuff film or does it raise awareness and create dialogue about this devastating epidemic?

Then, meet a couple whose friend’s last moments were captured in the documentary. You’ll be surprised to hear how they feel about seeing his death on film. Next, did you know that more than half of American college students have considered suicide at some point in their lives? Casey, 17, was bound for college and a bright future, but cut her dreams short when she, too, jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. Her parents share their struggles, including why they blame themselves for her death.

And, Dr. Thomas Joiner, psychology professor and author of Why People Die By Suicide, talks about a personal loss that inspired him to devote his professional life to suicide prevention. Find out what he says are the three common traits exhibited by some considering suicide. Plus, learn the critical warning signs to watch for that could be the difference between life and death. And, if you or someone you know is considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-TALK.
 

Shane doesn’t know the classic signs of bipolar disorder.He has no theory about manic depression, no license to treat schizophrenia or post-traumatic stress.Yet, like his colleagues - Archie, Boomer, Edward Bear and Ginger - Shane has been known to achieve results any doctor would envy.“Very often in psychiatry, it takes awhile to see change” in a patient, admitted Dr. John Fromson, chairman of the psychiatry department at MetroWest Medical Center in Framingham, Mass. “When these dogs come in with their handlers, you see immediate change. You see people smile. You see people react to another living thing.“Dogs have an uncanny ability to give love.”Just by being themselves.Size doesn’t matter. They can be as big as Shane, a 125-pound Shiloh shepherd owned by Anne Codman of Medway, Mass., or as petite as

 By Julia SpitzGateHouse News Service

I decided to write this BLOG because I just sat down at my computer and started typing and decided to try BLOGGING. I decided to base my BLOG on myself.  I am doing things people never thought I would do!  Heck, I never thought I could do it either.  But, I am so thankful to SC SHARE for giving me a chance to do what I was capable of doing all along.  I have always welcomed and embraced new things in my life.  I am always looking for something new.  I have accomplished a lot over these past 6 years out of the hospital.  Just staying out is an accomplishment in and of itself!

So when I started coming here to SC SHARE in 2005 I really enjoyed the way the classes where designed and I learned so much about recovery.  I would tell anybody that has been in the hospital for a long time to hook up with SC SHARE you will be amazed at how you will feel once you leave a workshop.  Just one workshop can make the difference in someone’s life! I never thought I could do anything worthwhile until I got hooked up with SC SHARE and now I am volunteering for them.  SC SHARE is constantly pulling out of me what I had in me all along.

 So, I would advise anyone coming fresh out of the hospital to come here if they get a chance and seek their Higher Power for strength and get a good support system.  Because if I can make it and I have been through the hard time you can too!  When you think you are all alone you are not!  SC SHARE is one phone call away and can help you so much!

- Marilla

All of my life, I have been taught the importance of giving to others.  We all have something to give.  If we don’t have a lot of money, we can donate our time.  I think it is very important to volunteer if we are not doing paid employment.  Not only does it help the place where we give our time, it benefits us as well.  Nothing makes us feel better (I think) than feeling like we are contributing to society.

So, on the news this morning, I heard a wonderful story about a family who decided to give to others and “put their money where their mouth was.”  This family sold their 6,500 square foot house for $1.8 million dollars.  They donated $800,000 to charity!  From what I understand, they downsized and moved into a smaller house.  What kind of message does that send their children, their neighbors, those of us who have heard the story?  For me, it reminds me of the importance of having an open and giving heart.

So, today, think about what you can give to your community.  Most of us are feeling a financial crunch, but we can donate our time.  Find something that you enjoy – something that interests you.  Maybe you like animals – you could volunteer at a shelter.  Maybe you enjoy working in the yard.  You could go to a church and offer to help with their landscaping.  If we get creative, we can come up with many ideas about how we can contribute to society.

Janie 

I tried to take good care of myself this weekend.  I got plenty of rest.  I tried doing things that make me feel like my “normal” self.  I tried to stay in my routine and I think I ended up having a pretty relaxing weekend.

But I am still noticing that I am exhibiting some paranoia.  When I start feeling like “people are mad at me,” then I have to check in with my friends and family.  I have to allow myself to be open to their opinions.  Everything I have heard from the people in my life is that I am being a bit irrational.

So, what can I do about it???  First things first.  I am journaling my thoughts.  That is a key way to get a handle on what is going on inside of us.  Second of all, I am reaching out to the people around me.  Isolating myself makes things worse.

What am I learning throughout all of this?  I do have a say in how I am doing.  I need to recognize my triggers, and be aware when I am showing early signs of not doing well.  If we do not pay attention to how we are doing, then it is like being on a wild roller coaster.  How many times do we think that going from being “fine” to being “totally off the wall” is a process that cannot be stopped or even noticed?

If we want to stay well, we must be aware of what is going on with us and around us.  We can stop that downward spiral by stopping the process before it gets out of hand.  That is what I am doing.  I am taking time to take care of myself, and I am getting feedback from people I trust.

Whew!  Letting all of this out makes me feel so much better! 

- Janie

We talk about Early Warning Signs in WRAP (wellness recovery action plan).   I started looking at the list of signs night.  I knew I had been feeling bad all day, but I hadn’t really thought about what was going on with me.  Anxiety, nervousness, being obsessed with something that doesn’t matter, beginning to have irrational thought patterns – I noticed these things in myself.  So, the next step is to figure out what could have gotten me here, and what do I do about it???

So, I started thinking about my week.  My whole schedule has been thrown off.  My routine has been disrupted for over a week.  I have not been going to bed early enough, and I have been sleeping later in the mornings (which means I miss out on that morning time with Tom).  My work schedule has been different this week, and many of my projects have come to a conclusion.  So, of course I was not feeling “like myself.”

I have found that when I am stressed, the best thing I can do is look at what is stressing me.  Usually, if I make a list, I can see it all written out.  By seeing it all on paper, I can allow myself to say “it’s okay I am stressed.”  I validate my feelings, and that makes me feel normal again.  So, if you look at the WRAP plan – you see that in the early warning signs section, there are lots of things you can do.  First of all, get back on your schedule – keep doing the things that you do when you are feeling well, and of course talk to someone about how you are feeling. So, today I am feeling better.  Now I understand what has been going on with me, and I know what I need to do to keep myself balanced.  This weekend, I will try to do my normal “stuff.”  I think that will make a world of difference.

Stress!  So much stress, It is the big things and the little things that send my blood pressure soaring.  Money!  Isn’t that the biggest stressor that we all face?  I know I do.  Tom took a state job, so he will not be paid for a month.  Ouch!  But we will get through it. 

I changed my hair color.  When I came into work, I was a little stressed about the reaction I would get.  Well, there was no reaction.  So, of course I figured that since no one said anything, then they must hate my hair – hate – what a strong word.  How egocentric of me to think that my hair could stir that kind of emotion in anyone.  

So, I guess I am still kind of caught up in my own “stuff”.  Bonnie suggested I go to a homeless shelter – that sure would give me a reality check.  Of course, I probably won’t go – for many reasons.  The biggest reason is I don’t want to feel – feel the heartache that would go along with seeing people with no homes.  There I go again!  I am making it all about me – how “I” would feel.  What about others? 

Stress is an everyday part of life.  I wonder how much of my stress would dissipate if I were not so caught up in myself – the way “I” feel, the way “I” look at everything.  So much to think about – of course, again, I am lost in myself – thinking about me, me, me.  I wonder if anyone else does that? 

Stress – I am so glad we have a workshop coming up on stress.  It will be June 25^th.  Of course, I have been worried about “my part” of the workshop.  Instead I think I will focus on the people who will be attending.  What are their needs?  What do they need to better handle stress? 

Lots to think about.  Yep.  Lots. 

Janie

My husband is one of the most brilliant people I have ever known.  He can expound on many different subjects.  So, I was not surprised this past Saturday when he starting talking to Sissy and me about the Universe and how it is laid out, how it functions, and how vast it is.  So, that got me to thinking.

The Universe is larger than I can fathom.  My mind cannot wrap itself around the scope of it.  I cannot really understand how it expands – which we know through some kind of “Doppler effect” (don’t worry – I don’t really understand that either!)

Then it hit me.  Humans are such a tiny, tiny, tiny microdot in the Universe.  Yet, I have often times been egotistical enough to think of myself as if the Universe revolved around ME.  I was talking to Bonnie this morning about letting go of “ego.”  So, it is impossible to think that we, as humans, are the ultimate power in the Universe.  There must be some Higher Power.  How could all of the stars, galaxies, and planets be the result of nothing less than a grand design? 

So, in my mind, all of this proves that there must be a power greater than myself.  There is a Higher Power.  I can’t imagine someone believing that there is nothing greater than humanity.  There is nothing greater than us???  No way. We fear talking about a Higher Power because we confuse Spirituality with Religion.  How can we not believe that there is something greater than ourselves?  Why do we fear talking about Spirituality in the mental health world?  Why do we feel like we need to keep it on the back burner?  Good question. Janie